It is frustrating, writing helps a lot in the situation. It’s funny in a way, I mean I was 42 before I really dated anyone, and in my 20’s when I went out on my first date.
All of this angst should have been stuff I went through in High School but I didn’t. So now I’m stuck and trying to communicate and doing a really awful job of it.
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I feel a little better about things tonight. I now know that my guy is really busy doing things for other people. It’s not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but at least I know there is a reason of sorts instead of just thinking I’ve been dumped.
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There are some things I remember so vividly about doing things with him, like they happened yesterday.
I remember traveling around Hesperia and San Bernardino and just looking at the Mojave River, old golf courses, homes in the area. I remember where a driver wrecked his car and how it took them days to find him. I remember a trip to Silverlake and just looking out over the lake from above. I remember
It’s pretty damned hard to find love for the first time when you’re 42, but I did it, I really did.
That was five years ago and there have been plenty of ups and downs, too many to count, and mainly my fault.
Lately I’ve been accused of doing things that I haven’t done, taking actions that I never took, saying things to people that I’ve never said.
The worst part is that he won’t listen. It doesn’t mean that I love him any less, as a matter of fact I live him all the more.
I will not give up, I will not go away.
I love him, that is the way it is
Calired's Blog 